STAR GENERATOR 

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by Dacany


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The Arcada flew through space with the Star Generator hitched on board the bridge. In a hope to save Xenon from a rapidly cooling planet, they planned to use the Star Generator to turn that planet into a raging ball of fire that would provide heat. 

Well, one day when the firing was planned, our hero of the story Roger Wilco went inside the bridge to sweep it up. He noticed that the Star Generator looked rather dirty. "Bugger," he said, "This will never do." He pulled out a Mr. Clean spray and used it on the Star Generator, not noticing the warning: WARNING! DO NOT USE ON SYTRONICS, MEGATRONICS OR PYTRONICS. 

A few minutes later the Officers walked into the bridge, and the Captain took aim with the Star Generator using the computer console. "Target found: Saturnaya." said the Captain, and he keyed in a few commands into the console. The Star Generator started to power up, and a Mobot moved the machine into the firing capsule, then it walked away rather oddly. "What's wrong with that robot? Wilco! Smell this robot!" called the Officer. 

Roger Wilco smelled the robot and said, "Smells of cleaning fluid." "Oh, never mind," said the Officer. "Prepare to fire the Star Generator!" The Captain walked up to the console and pressed the 'FIRE' button. A laser beam emanated from the generator and struck the planet, turning it into a ball of fire. "Mission accomplished," said the Captain. Suddenly, alarm sounds came from one of the computers. The Science Officer quickly ran to it and said, "The orbit on the Arcada is decaying! The presumed orbit will hit Xenon City, and that means we're all going to die!" "Wilco!" screamed the Captain, "Did you use cleaning fluid on the Star Generator again?! Back then it wasn't much of a problem but now the Arcada's going to lose orbit! It will catch fire and we'll all die." 

"External temperature above 185 degrees and increasing...200...217-" "Oh, shut up! I know it's increasing! I told you, WE'RE... GOING... TO... CRASH!" said the Captain, interrupting the Science Officer quite rudely. It took Roger several minutes for him to come up with a stupid idea. By that time, the temperature was above 700 degrees. If it hit 1,000 then Roger and the crew were done for. "Do you have the Star Crusher chip?" Roger said. "What do you need it for, to write your will on?" said the Captain with a giggle as he handed the chip to Roger. He inserted it into the Star Generator's console, then pulled the Star Generator out of the capsule. Roger hit the "FIRE" button and the beam in the Star Crusher hit the whole room, affecting the ship greatly. The temperature decreased and the Arcada came to a stop...but then it began to fall again. 

"Nice move, Roger. We're not going to burn up, instead we're going to fall, and it's all because the fuel rods are damaged." said the Captain...but then the Arcada stopped falling yet again. The Captain looked really surprised...then he remembered. If a prematurely cleaned Star Generator hits a planet, it affects the ship. If the Star CRUSHER hits the ship, it affects the fuel rods, and the effect is reversed. "I would promote you..." said the Captain, "But...BUT YOU'RE JUST A DUMB JANITOR! Now...go do what you...usually do like...SLEEP IN THE CLOSET!" 

"Alright then." said Roger, and he left the room. All was silent again...until Roger decided to clean some more the next day! 


TO BE CONTINUED 

in 

GREAT, CLEAN BALLS OF FIRE