This story was also posted in the topic started from greywolfe about a sierra meta game. Since that thread really wasn't for posting stories and might not be read by those why like reading crazy stories, I'll post it here. This version has been edited to be more of a story than the other post. 


Spoof Quest: The Quest for a Killer 
by Derek (AKA Holodude) 


It is stardate ... unknown. Why? Because Inspector Sonny Bonds, investigator with the Universal Police Force, is asleep and can't read the clock. When he eventually wakes up, he is directed to the first crime of the day. He arrives at the scene by airship to find that a girl appears to have been brutally raped and killed. When he arrives, the person who is the suspect in this attack is a man who calls himself Larry Laffer. He pleads with the inspector that he is innocent, and after an autopsy by the morgue it is found out that the girl had voluntarily had intimate relations with the killer right before she was killed. As the inspector sees how pathetic this Larry is in his relations with his female police partner, he can't help but be sceptical that Larry is actually the killer, and thus begins his investigation to prove Mr. Laffer's innocence. 

Meanwhile, a group of aliens emerge from another dimension. Their leader, who was adbducted by these aliens, is bent on getting revenge on the king of his planet. This king is the king of his world and is responsible for all financial transactions on his planet. This leader of the aliens asked for a loan because he had to pay off his loan shark pronto, but the king refused. This loan shark took this eventual leader back to his realm and made him into a slave and the loan shark collected his wages to be repayed for his loan he had earlier given the leader. After the loan shark had collected more than twice what the leader had owned him, he rallied the slaves. He got them to revolt and overthrow the guards, who were not very well equiped since this facility was top secret as slaves were illegal, and that all military equipment transactions were overlooked by the authorities. The other slaves, not from that realm, located and freed all the other slaves on the condition that they would help overthrow the king of his world and make him the new king. And if these aliens so wished they could become his subjects and have important roles in his empire. These aliens banded together, took all the advanced ships they could find and went through a transdimentional vortex to return to the leaders dimension. 

Upon arriving to take over the planet and dethrone the king, a series of ships are dispatched from the planet to take out the invading aliens. The aliens then retreat and regroup, as they are surprisingly outnumbered, although possess superior technology from the other dimension. They decide to send out messages and get unsuspecting traders to come to their new headquarters on a desolate planet. As these ships arrived, they are ambushed and added to the fleet. The idea was to have the trading ships pretend to do business with the planet, and have the force find and confiscate their cargo, and then detonating the bomb remotely once it is on the other ship and speed off. On one of these missions, Roger Wilco, sanitation engineer, is busy doing his mopping and cleaning. The goods are confiscated, and, being supposedly volitile if exposed to light, are put in the closet. Unfortunately for Roger, it is the janitor's closet. After having opened the closet and finding that the package didn't explode when exposed to the light (the ship was still docked with Roger's ship and the fines were being handed out), Roger decides to mess with the package. In the package is the bomb, but before Roger finds this out, through some dumb luck, has it accidently go out the airlock. Now Roger, knowing he is in trouble if he is found out, hides back in the closet. Unbeknown to him, the package explodes outside in space, blowing up the trader ship as it is going to transwarp, thus causing a breach in the transfabric of space, making the technology from the other dimension useless, but keeping the normal dimension tech functioning. This means those other aliens are stuck and can't invade the planet. Roger becomes a hero and saves the planet and the king, and doesn't realize it until someone opens the closet to get some cleaner after the janitor failed to show up. Similar spills and messes are not cleaned up (since he's in the closet) and Roger isn't a hero anymore. In fact, because of his incompetence with a mop, he is demoted off of the spaceship and sent down to the planet to scrub the old decrepid bathrooms of the king's palace. 

Meanwhile, Inspector Bonds is continuing the investigation. Piecing together a whole bunch of clues after going to various places and interviewing people, he finds himself at the king's palace looking for clues. His evidence has led the investigator to conclude that someone at the King's palace is responsible for the murder and that the girl murdered was a prostitute who frequented the palace. After some more digging, he finds out that, according to the accounting, nobody at the palace had paid the prostitute for several months, even though witnesses say that she was there at least once a week for the past year, and each time was more agitated entering the palace. It is soon found out that the person the girl had frequently seen was the layer for the king. Another piece of information is that the king had run out of funds and was waiting for a large shipment of gold to arrive so he could pay off his debts. In fact, he was buying everything on credit, with people never expecting the king of all people had money problems. As it turned out, the lawyer, had tried to pay the girl with the king's credit as usual, but got refused. The girl had just had her place renovated and needed the money in coins. Unfortunately he did not have the coins, and witnesses say they heard arguing from the girl's place about money and how she was going to kill whoever she was arguing. Unfortunately for the investigator, the lawyer had run off on vacation into the forest. 

In this forest we find a nice hut. Inside is a young man, who is a hero, but is tired of the fame and needs some change of pace. This man is wearing a red cape, has a nice shiny sword and a shield. He belong's to the adventurer's guild too. So, the man takes off his equipment and places it on the table. He then takes out a nice new lightsaber like device. (which looks like a sword and is flat, rather than a tube like in Star Wars) He then takes out a black space helmet and puts it on, and puts on a black cape. He also takes out a nice new shield which has a digital clock on the front. Our adventurer then turns on his 'Forrests most wanted criminals' and sees the lawyers picture. He heads out, and upon visiting the magical tree, sees the lawyer. Using his magical powers he gets the tree to grab him. Then, having the lawyer profess his innocence, and after the adventurer pickpockets him and finds out he has fake ids, tells him he is guilty of forgery even if innocent in the killing. He decides to let the lawyer get away from the tree and challenges him to a duel. Using his new fancy equipment, beats the opponent and takes him, on a magic carpet to see the king. Upon arriving at the king's place with the crook tied up, he is now a hero again, but in a new city. 

At this point the investigator releases Larry from custody. Over these events, Larry has interacted with the various prison guards and inmates who happen to be, suprisingly, mostly women. After hitting on all of them, and all failing miserably, he is released into the open. Larry then decides to see what really happened so went to the king's palace to find out. On the way, Larry meets a bunch of girls, hits on them all, gets rufused every time. Upon reaching the palace, Larry gets invited in to hear the story of the criminal. Around a table is the inspector, the king, the criminal, the adventurer, and now Larry. The criminal tells his story of how after he had gotten her into bed, he couldn't pay the lady except with credit, but she wouldn't believe him. She tried to kill him, but he managed to knock her out. And then, he knew she would go to the police about the lack of payment and he'd be prosecuted, and put in jail. So he decided to shoot her with his blaster. He then went back to the palace, and, having locked the bathroom and escaped through the window to escape with the girl earlier, climbed back into the window. He washed up all the blood, and calmly unlocked the door and resumed his normal business. Suddenly a door opens and in walks Roger Wilco screaming "It was YOU!!" and saying how it has taken him the past week to clean up that stain the sink from the blood, and complaining how he never did remember to bring his heavy duty cleaner from the ship when he was demoted. 


THE END